The Lesson I Learned While Criticising Myself

The other day, while I was working out, I caught myself criticizing how I was doing my exercises. I thought, “Why am I still not getting this?” and as I ran through all the things I needed to fix I began to feel so frustrated with myself.

Why am I sharing this? I am a movement teacher, and it is humbling to admit that I sometimes struggle with things I teach others and that I can’t do every move perfectly. But if there is one thing I have learned over time, it is that the only way to show up is as I am. There is no use pretending to be something or someone I’m not. And every now and then I can help someone else exactly because of my own struggles and not inspite of them. (That to me is also more important in a good teacher than someone who can do everything perfectly but that's a topic for another time ;) )

This moment of judging myself while doing my exercises reminded me of what I often see in my classes. From talking to students, I get the sense that many of us are concerned with doing exercises right, mastering them, and feeling discouraged when something doesn’t work the way we think it should. And in that mini mid-workout breakdown (or breakthrough), I realized I was holding myself to a standard I would never hold my students to. Because when I teach and observe others move, I’m not watching for mistakes. I’m watching for what their bodies are communicating through the way they move. Every body tells a story. If something doesn’t look “quite right,” it is not wrong. It is information and it is an invitation to ask: “What might help this body feel more supported, more open, more at ease?” And “what might really be going on?”

To give you a practical example, some people believe they are “too weak” for a certain movement, or that their muscles are not activating properly because they can't feel something in a certain way. But often, it is not weakness at all. Sometimes all we need is a little more awareness or tuning in. On a biomechanical level, a muscle that feels “unresponsive” might actually need some release first. An already tight muscle can not tighten more. However, the opposite can also be true. A muscle that feels tight may not need stretching all the time but could actually benefit from some strengthening. Other times it is about the order of the exercises. If the body is not set up with the right support, it is harder for the right muscles to do their job. And often, it is strategy. We think the movement must be done one particular way, but when we shift the approach, even slightly, suddenly everything changes.

But, back to the breakdown/breakthrough moment. It seems to me that this approach to movement carries over into everyday life. How often do we assume we just need to try harder or push more, when in reality the answer is to soften, to release, to shift strategies, to try something different? I know I’ve been there many times, banging my head against a wall until I finally accept I have to approach things differently. In that exercise session my attempt to “trying something different” was not only about movement strategies. It was also about the way I spoke to myself. I could keep judging myself, but I knew that judging harder was not going to change anything. So, what I took from this, -the lesson I learned was that I need to offer myself the same grace I give my students. I asked: “What is my body telling me? What does it need? How can I support it in what it’s already trying to do?” And with the help of an amazing network of movement professionals and their trained eyes, knowledge, and wisdom I was able to figure it out. My next movement session felt completely different.

If you know that inner critic, I invite you to pause the next time it shows up. Instead of shutting yourself down with more judgment, try asking: “What does my body need?” and then listen for the answer, and don't be afraid to ask for help. Some inner critics don't go away that easily though and the self-judgment may come back. That's okay. I can't finish this story by telling you that that was the end of it for me but what I can tell you is that sometimes it is about trying a different approach, changing strategies and seeing what happens.